


a change of space

by Crawlingthroughashes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Coran makes calming smoothies, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, lance is in denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 00:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7460424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crawlingthroughashes/pseuds/Crawlingthroughashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't want to kiss you," Lance announces quickly, color rising high on his cheeks.<br/>"Ok."<br/>"I <i>don't.</i>"<br/>Keith holds his hands up. "Ok."<br/><i>Stupid Keith.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	a change of space

There's a residual ache in Lance's chest, a heavy and viscous sort of panic that coats his lungs and clogs his throat. The acrid taste at the back of his mouth is layered with anxiety and hopelessness and resignation. He fiddles with his bayard, activating and deactivating the weapon almost mechanically, not unlike a child that can't manage to keep still. His eyes are starting to water, but he doesn't want to close them, doesn't want to re-watch the scene haunting the space behind his eyelids. _Blood. The pale flash of bone jutting out of an open wound._ He should've gotten there in time. And yeah, things turned out all good and fine, no one was critically injured and they escaped the Galra base alive but. _But._ He still messed up. He followed the plan and did what he was instructed to do and he still messed up. He actually tried and he still failed, and that knowledge is a weight he isn't sure his shoulders are able to bear.

After a few more minutes in complete silence, Lance discards his bayard, pulling his knees to his chest. He drags in a shuddering breath as he curls his hands into fists. Half-moon impressions indent his palms, blunt nails digging painfully into his skin.

He was stupid to ever actually enjoy the idea of being part of Voltron. Stupid to have even enrolled as pilot at the Garrison. Growing up, he'd always been fascinated by space, and space-travel by extension. He regrets it now. The star patterns surrounding him are unfamiliar and foreign, and he misses the ones back home. Misses the constellations he'd map out on nights spent at Varadero Beach. He misses the sight of the stars back home. Really, he just misses home. 

They could die anytime out here, at the merciless hands of the Galra, and his family would be none the wiser. They'll never know what's happened to him. He might be pronounced dead, but without a body, he's sure his parents will be left wondering. 

He remembers how tightly his mother held him when he told her he was accepted at the Garrison, how she'd fussed over him and worried. He remembers how his father had clapped him on the back, wordless, but clearly apprehensive if his tight-lipped smile was anything to go by. 

He'll never see them again. He'll never get to say goodbye. 

"Ah shit," Lance scrubs his damp cheeks with the heel of his hand. He never wanted to hurt them. He doesn't want them to cry. All he wanted was to prove himself to them. But that wasn't quite right. No, the only person he'd wanted to prove something to was himself. 

There's a sound behind him, a soft echo of footsteps, but the noise rings hollow in Lance's ears, barely registering. He sniffles quietly, muffling the sound as best he can. 

"Lance?"

He flinches. "Keith?" he demands, voice too hoarse to be a screech. 

"What are you doing alone in here?" 

He hastily regains his composure. "Well, I _was_ having some quality alone time, until you barged in here." 

"Right." Keith looks at Lance with that perceptive stare of his, narrowed-eyed and quiet. "Do you usually hang out in dark rooms by yourself?"

Lance flounders for words for a moment. The last thing he wants is to be caught crying alone with the lights off. Stupid Keith. "No offense, but could you leave?" He asks tightly. "I mean, uh, let a guy jack off in peace."

The furrow between Keith's eyebrows deepens. "You weren't jerking off." 

"Oh really?"

"I would've heard it a mile away if you were." 

"Didn't peg you as a voyeur." 

Keith ignores the comment, stepping fully into the room before taking a seat across from Lance. Someone clearly can't take a hint. "Everyone was pretty worried about you." 

Lance scoffs. "Why would they be worried about me?" He was doing perfectly fine. Or at least, as fine as the situation could warrant. "I wasn't even injured."

"Yeah, well you seemed pretty shaken up after the mission."

"Yeah, right."

"Coran already started making a calming smoothie to give you."

"What the hell's a calming smoothie?" 

"It's a smoothie... that calms you." 

"Well, I'm not in the mood for a smoothie, so why don't you go drink it? Maybe it'll make you less annoying." 

Keith tilts his head, confusion evident on his face. "Why are you acting so moody?" 

"Because I don't want you to be here and I don't want a relaxing smoothie!"

Keith's expression doesn't budge. "Are you still upset about what happened?" 

"I'm not upset."

"Not every mission is going to go according to plan, that's why we work around any problems that come up." 

A sigh breezes past Lance's lips. "I'm not upset," he repeats. "I'm scared." His chin trembles and. _Shit._ Nope. Not in front of Keith. He swallows heavily. "Pidge was bleeding and Shiro and Hunk were injured, and I didn't see where you were and I got scared. It felt like. Like this is it, we're all gonna die and that's going to be the end of it and," he gives a weak, nervous laugh. "And I didn't want to die before having my first kiss. How embarrassing would that be?" 

Keith looks unconvinced. Lance internally winces. He doubts that Keith is just going to let all that slide. 

"You haven't had your first kiss yet?" 

Dammit. Why did he have to say that. Stupid defense mechanism. "No," he grits out, "which is the only reason why I was upset." 

Keith makes a noncommittal noise, his lips pursed in thought. "You could have your first kiss now, you know." 

"Huh?"

Keith scratches the back of his neck. "I mean, if you wanted to." 

Oh. _Oh._ "I don't want to kiss you," Lance announces quickly, color rising high on his cheeks. 

"Ok."

"I _don't._ "

Keith holds his hands up. "Ok." 

Stupid Keith. Oh, what the hell. Lance leans forwards and cups Keith's face in his hands. He notices belatedly that his fingers are trembling. Keith exhales and his breath stirs against Lances cheeks. His breath is cool against Lance's face, but that’s partly because Lance’s cheeks are so hot. For a long moment, they stare at one another. Keith's pupils are blown wide, eclipsing the purple in his irises. His lashes are thick and dark and cast long shadows over his face. He really is quite attractive, Lance admits grudgingly. But only to himself. Keith doesn't need to know. They continue to stare, and Keith isn't saying anything, so Lance doesn't either. Still. This is weird. Steeling himself, Lance bridges the remaining distance between them, before clumsily slotting their lips together. 

He's at once surprised by how soft Keith's lips are. It's not like there's an endless reserve of chapstick in space, afterall. 

A hand slides up the back of Lance's neck, before tangling in his short brown hair. He's starting to maybe just slightly freak out because he's currently kissing his rival and _holy shit_. This is actually happening. He is kissing Keith. As in, his lips. Are currently touching. Keith's.

That train of thought breaks off when Keith tilts his head. He alters the angle of the kiss, before pressing his lips back insistently against Lance's. Their mouths slide wetly together, all at once emptying Lance's mind of all the pressures and concerns and fears that have been filtering through it since the mission. Electricity curls down his spine, alighting each of his nerve endings and making his stomach tighten with something warm and heavy, but not at all unpleasant. It's not anxiety flooding through him, but something else. A heady sort of feeling he's not sure how to name. 

When they pull apart, Lance's chest is heaving breathlessly, and his vision is spinning from the lack of oxygen. 

At some point, one of Lance's hands came to rest against Keith's chest, and the other is still lightly curled around the red paladin's jaw. 

He jolts, scrambling back and into a less intimate position. At first glance, Keith seems rather unaffected by the kiss, but his sharp intake of breath suggests otherwise. 

The silence in the room is stifling, broken only by short gulps of air and uneven breathing. 

"U-um," Keith starts awkwardly. "I guess I'll go. Someone has to drink Coran's smoothie." 

He clears his throat. "Oh. Yeah, sure." 

Keith hesitates. "Just--don't. Be weird or anything." 

"Me? Weird?" He gives an awkward laugh that comes out too loud, and too high-pitched. "Puh-lease. Why would I be weird about this?"

"Lance--"

"Just go drink your smoothie, already!" 

Keith gives a jerky nod as he turns to leave. Lance stares at his disappearing form, his mind reeling from what transpired. _What the ever loving fuck just happened?_

He brings a shaking hand to his lips. _It wasn't not a real kiss_ , Lance tells himself firmly. It was just a promise of sorts. A reminder to himself that there is no way he can die now, no way he can possibly give up, because dying now would mean his first and only kiss was with Keith. He can't possibly let that happen. There are plenty of hot alien babes that would surely be into him, and it wouldn't be fair to them to just give up here and now. Plus, Keith? Really? He can do _way_ better than that. And he will. No Galra is gonna cockblock this paladin, oh no!

Some of the building pressure on Lance's chest alleviates. There's no way he's going to get intimidated again, not with a lifetime of romantic and sexual escapades called into question. His lips slide into a small smile. He slips out of the room, intent on making it clear to the rest of the team that he is not upset and that he most definitely does not need a calming smoothie. 

And if he happens to spend the rest of the night replaying the kiss with Keith in his mind, then no one else has to know.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is really appreciated ^.^


End file.
